I wrote these on FB a bit ago and decided to post them here as well.. Hope you all enjoy these as much as I did…
- Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
- Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
- By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
- People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- You should not confuse your career with your life.
- Never lick a steak knife.
- You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
- Your friends love you just the way you are.
- The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
I found some new ones @ https://www.msu.edu/~jerrymc/humor/advice.html
- Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
- Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
- Never laugh at anyone’s dreams. People who don’t have dreams don’t have much.
- Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it’s the only way to live life completely.
- Don’t judge people by their relatives.
- Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.